Beautiful Lies by tmr
by tmr79
Summary: In her incoherent state after Edward leaves her in the forest, Bella's sleeping lips betray her: "Edward is a vampire and I will be one too." This is not a story about Bella in a mental institution; it only starts there...
1. Chapter 1: Beautiful Lies

Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters and Twilight plot lines that may appear in this story. The remainder is my original work. Copyright 2009-2010 by tmr. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Please don't plagiarize.

Chapter 1: Beautiful Lies, by tmr

Location: Western State Hospital, Lakewood, Washington

The dim humming of the bright florescent lights was lulling me back to a state of semi-consciousness. The stench of bleach and industrial cleaners still burned my nose and throat as I shuffled down the hall behind my "escort".

"Isabella?' I didn't ever bother correcting anyone anymore. Not anyone in this place. My name was Bella. Just Bella. But here, where they allowed me no freedom, no secrets. Here, where they told me I was ill and needed to stay sedated. Here, where they told me my love was untrue and my memories lies. Here, I didn't want them to know me – Bella. Here, I was alone. Completely alone.

And, I was completely broken.

The woman dressed all in white repeated herself again. "Please keep up, dear." My escort was a hulking woman, as if I could possibly fight her with my barely hundred pound frame. Like I could even try to in this drug-induced haze.

This thickening fog in my mind was the worst part. It faded my memories, the memories I was trying so desperately to cling to – because I knew they were true. I knew Edward was real.

I knew he was a vampire.

And, I knew he loved me, once. My throat thickened just thinking the words.

Trying to resist the medications got me nowhere. I was simply restrained and injected against my will. I kept resisting and my dosages kept increasing.

I needed a way out of this hell, but every path was blocked. They wouldn't even let me starve myself. I had tried, in earnest, but that just ended with me strapped down to another bed with a feeding tube shoved down my nose and throat. When Charlie saw me that way and I saw the absolute horror in his eyes, I knew I had to find a better and faster way to do it. At least, for his sake.

I wanted to hate Charlie. Hate him for putting me here. I was successful for awhile, but then I realized – even in this haze – that he did the only thing he could do as my parent. When they found me incoherent in the woods on _that_ day, he was terrified. He sat in the rocking chair next to my bed every night to comfort me when I awoke screaming from my nightmares, from my reality. _Edward was gone._

But when, the truth escaped my sleeping lips. When I released my – our – secret, Charlie had no other choice than to think I needed to be in a place like this. So, even though I wanted to, I couldn't hate him. He was suffering almost as much as I was. He was broken too. He thought he had failed me. He thought he had let my little mind break on his watch.

"Here you are, dear." My escort ushered me into my room, my cell. I didn't even bother to look up at her or acknowledge her presence. I shuffled past her watchful eyes and willingly re-entered my own personal pocket of hell.

The tiny room was nearly devoid of color. I vaguely remembered learning that white actually contained all of the spectrums of color, and that it's opposite – black – was the absence of any color. But that was a lie. In this stark white room, there was no color. No hue. No life. The only thing that broke up the white paint was the stainless steel of the bed frame, the sink and toilet. It was, for all intents and purposes, a cell. I had started out in a much more "normal" room, but my behavior ended me up here. And that was fine with me. I was in hell, so I didn't want to pretend I wasn't and sleep in some goddamned pastel room.

"Lights out in 10 minutes, Isabella." Her condescending voice came through just before the door clicked shut behind me. _Fuck you_. A few months ago, I would have said it out loud, but I didn't have the energy anymore.

And then the lock snapped closed. It was a sound I loathed and adored at the same time. I loathed it because it meant I couldn't get out, I wasn't free; I was trapped. But, I adored it because it meant I was finally alone. No more forced therapy sessions. No more visitors. No more.

I walked to the three-inch wide window that was etched with swirls, essentially making the outside world fuzzy shadows and speckles of light. But I didn't care. I knew that somewhere, someplace far away from here, Edward was living.

_I love you, Edward. Forever. _ My unending promise could no longer be spoken out loud either. Not from exhaustion, because lord knows that I would proclaim my love for him with my dying breath, but because of the seemingly innocuous black lens and microphone secured high in the left corner of the room. The evil spies were even covered in plexiglass, as if I could have reached them.

Laying down on the thin, plastic covered mattress, I curled into my usual defensive position – knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around my shins and tucked my head into my curled body. The lights were still humming above me, but I closed my eyes and willed myself to let the sedatives work. _Stop fighting it, Bella. Stop fighting it and maybe tonight you'll dream of him_. I slipped into the blackness.

I didn't sleep for long. The first of my nightly babysitters stepped to the door of my cage. Through my closed lids, I could see the beam of light from his flashlight rake over my body, my face, and erratically around the rest of the small space. Satisfied, the light disappeared from the small door window.

The drugs were less potent now and I was wide awake. Happy for the brief hours of clarity I had this time of night, I was actually grateful for the flashlight wake ups. My mind was my own, at least for these few precious hours. I rolled over to face the wall incase the babysitter returned; I wanted to keep my eyes open as I thought about my plan. I stared at the cinderblock closest to my face, the white paint was bright even in this low light. _Ok, the plan is starting to work. Now, you must be patient. Be patient, Swan. It is going to take time for them to believe you completely. It's going to take time for them to believe your declarations of sanity and recants of past psychosis-induced "lies". It is working. It has to. _I let myself smile at the thought.

**Six Weeks Later**

"Isabella, you are making fine progress. I am glad your father, mother, and step-father could all join us today. Aren't you?"

_Jane is a fucking bitch psychotherapist that I wanted to strangle to death with my bare hands and beat that smirk right off her childlike face, but – alas – I needed her. _

I swallowed and forced my most sincere voice. "Yes, Dr. Jane. I am happy that they are here." Knowing I needed the three other occupants of this office to believe me as well, I turned my face to them and added, "I am really happy that you're here, Charlie, Mom, and Phil." I rested my eyes briefly on each of their worried faces as I said their names, just to add a bit more sincerity.

"And?" Jane smirked as she urged me to continue on our planned "reunion". _Reunion my ass._ These three people left me here to be brain washed and mentally die. They left me here. Just like he did.

"And, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about everything that has happened." I sucked in a breath to prepare myself to spew the lies. "I am so very sorry that I've made such a mess of things."

Charlie, Renee, and Phil were shocked but physically trying to hold their reactions back; I could see Charlie's jaw clenching from across the room. Jane must have told them to remain calm. _Bitch._

Jane shifted her weight away from me, thinking I was done, but she froze when she heard me take in another deep breath. This part she wasn't expecting.

"And, I know that I was ill. Dr. Jane has really helped me see that. It was all so confusing in my mind." I feigned the most innocent mask possible. "At the time, I really believed those crazy things I said; they seemed real to me. But, now, I know what's real. And, I know I had a brief psychotic break."

Jane half-heartedly tried to interrupt me, but I raised my hand motioning her to remain silent. "Dr. Jane, please, you've helped me so much, I need to tell them." She smiled widely at me and then at my family. _Dumb bitch. So easily manipulated with a little flattery. _

"I know I needed help and that you did the right thing by forcing me to get it." I forcefully swallowed the bile that rushed to the back of my throat.

"I am so sorry for all of the things I said to you when you brought me here. Please forgive me. I know I can work through this; I know I'll need help when I leave here, but it would be so much easier if I didn't have so much guilt for how I treated you. Can you please forgive me?" _Damn, that was good_. It sounded really convincing out loud. I had been rehearsing it loosely in my mind for weeks; I didn't want to memorize it and sound too rehearsed.

The four adults surrounding me instantly, and nearly simultaneously, broke into tears. Charlie quickly wiped the tears from his cheeks, as if he was ashamed of them, and rose from his chair. He stopped after one step in my direction to look at Jane, effectively asking her permission to touch me. She must have affirmed his intentions because the next thing I knew I was being crushed by Charlie's bear hug.

Muffling his tears into my hair, his voice was so raw, "Bells, my baby. We forgive you. We are so happy to have you back." His emotion was so overwhelming I, in an ode to Jasper, let them consume me and allowed tears to fill and quickly spill from my eyes.

Renee and Phil had now joined the bear hug. "Oh, Bella. There's nothing to forgive. We love you so much." _Good. They believe me._

After a few more moments of unbridled sobbing and hugging, we returned to our seats. Jane was beaming at all of us. _So fucking proud of herself for my "breakthrough". _

"Isabella, now that was very brave. How do you feel about what your family said to you?"

Without missing a beat, I sniffed dramatically and in an uneven voice answered. "I am so grateful that they've forgiven me." _But, they are not forgiven. _I didn't hate them, but I hated what they did. I hated what they've forced me to become and what I now had to do. But, I had no more options.

After a few more well-timed and semi-rehearsed lines, I had them all on board. The discussion turned to my release date, out-patient therapy, and medication. On the last topic, I protested slightly – as they would expect me to – but then, as I had planned, I "saw" their logic and agreed to "give the treatment plan a chance". _My ass. There would be no treatment in my plan. _

Charlie, Renee, and Phil exited the office with smiles and promises to see me in a few days. Turning to me, Jane rested her boney hand on my knee. I wanted to rip it off of her arm and smack her with it, but I smiled at her instead. "Isabella," _God, I hate how she repeats my name – well what she thinks is my name – every time she starts a new thought. Like I forgot who I fucking am._ "Isabella, you did wonderfully. I know that was a lot of emotion to take on. How are you feeling? Do you fell like some medication would aid you in relaxing?" I instantly tensed at the idea of being trapped under that thick fog again and having to claw my way through it.

"Dr. Jane, it was a lot to take, but I feel…" pausing for dramatic effect, "I feel really great. I am a little tired, but it feels good to feel tired and happy and excited. It's just nice to feel like me again." I forced my lips up at the corners and hoped it looked like I was smiling, or at least smirking.

Patting my leg, "Isabella, that it wonderful. I don't see the need for resuming your meds now. But, please do not hesitate to ask, if you start to feel overwhelmed. It is normal to feel that way. You were on decreasing doses for over two months, but your body may need more time to adjust. Ok?"

"I promise. I'll let you know if I feel overwhelmed." My lies came so easily to me now.

As I was escorted back to my more hospitable cell, I made sure to engage in conversation with my escort, no matter how devoid of life she might be. "Well, here you are Isabella. It sure is nice to see you smiling these days."

Walking through the threshold of my pastel cell, I grinned back through the door. "It feels good to be smiling. Good night." She returned the sentiment and closed the door. I spun quickly on my heel and nearly skipped to the window. I pushed aside the pink and beige curtains and looked out into the darkness. The lights of Seattle were far in the distance; it could have been any city, but to me it was a beacon. A signal of my triumph. I had done it. My plan had worked. _I will be out of this place in a few short days and then_ – I slowly filled my lungs with the pleasure of the thought – _I can be released from my hell. Soon it will be over. _I wrapped my arms around my chest and squeezed myself with happiness.


	2. Tiffany Pens and Other Torture

Chapter 2: Tiffany Pens and Other Torture

** Two Weeks Later**

"Thanks, Charlie. I'm fine." _Still fine. I haven't even moved since you checked on me twenty minutes ago. Or twenty minutes before that._

I had been "free" for eleven days, if you could call it freedom. I was out of that place and, for that, I was grateful. Charlie's house was my new cage, but at least I could be in my room, read my own books, and wear my own clothes.

But, other than the physical and geographic differences, my hell was the same. I wasn't allowed to lock my bedroom door, nor the bathroom door. I couldn't go anywhere alone, not that I wanted to go anywhere particularly. The outpatient therapy was relentless – every day, but the medication dosage had been further lowered, allowing my mind to lift a little more out of the fog.

Every day, I reviewed my plan in my head.

Every day, I promised myself I could do it.

Every day, I faked my sanity.

** Another Two Weeks Later**

"Does that upset you, Isabella?"

"Which part?"

"That the Cullen family hasn't tried to contact you at all since they moved away."

_God, I hate her. If it wouldn't royally fuck up my plans, I would jump over this cheap coffee table and gouge out her eyes with her own silver Tiffany pen. _

Prepared for this, but not rehearsed. "Umm…" I paused and looked down at my hands. I could hear Jane's pen scratching notes furiously on the elegant pad in her lap. It was such an easy "tell". _I bet she really sucks at poker._

_I, on the other hand, had become very good at poker_. "It does upset me, Dr. Jane. I thought they were my friends and that they cared about me. But now I realize that so much of what I imagined to be true back then really wasn't true at all."

Jane hummed lightly, urging me to continue the train of thought. Her pen was at the ready.

This part was harder because it wasn't a lie: "I know now that I wasn't very important to them." My voice began to falter under the weight of the truth. _They left me. All of them. They never loved me like I loved them. They never wanted me like I wanted them._

I swallowed to balance my truth with the more comfortable lie. "I know now that my relationship with them wasn't real at all." Jane scribbled vigorously now. I sometimes wondered if she was even writing words, or if she just wanted to pretend that her observations were so brilliant they just had to be captured.

"What was real, Isabella?"

"They were real – I mean – they exist as a family and all, but my delusions made me think crazy things." _Like they loved me. Like Edward needed me as much as I need him._

Not even bothering to look up from her note taking, Jane continued with her never-ending questions. "Please give me some examples of these delusions, Isabella."

_Really? Should it be this easy to manipulate a psychotherapist? I haven't even gone to college. It is possible that she's this bad at her job, or that I am this good at faking it? Let's go with both – she's a pompous fake and I have turned into one hell of a liar. It's funny what a mental breakdown can do for a girl. _I chuckled internally.

"Well, there were lots of them, but the biggest was - of course – that they were vampires. That isn't true. They are just regular people, like me. Vampires don't exist."

For the rest of the session, I told her everything she wanted to hear: How I knew that the Cullens were not vegetarian vampires. How I knew that Alice wasn't a psychic, that Jasper couldn't manipulate emotions, that Edward couldn't read people's thoughts. How I knew that Edward was just a seventeen-year-old boy, that he didn't visit me in my bedroom every night, that he didn't believe we were eternal soul mates. My last beautiful lie stung. A lot.

**Another Two Weeks Later**

Charlie looked so nervous as he waited in the parking lot for me. My heart swelled a little bit as I trotted down the concrete stairs to meet him. _I had done it. _

"Hi Dad!" _Wow, even I believe me. Jane believes that my willingness to call Charlie 'dad' again is a signal of my healing. _A "significant step" she called it. _Stupid bitch._

"Hi Bells. Are you ok? How was it?" His eyes were brimming with tears as he looked down at me. _Awww Charlie, when you look at me like that, I actually want to call you Dad._

"It was bearable. I'll come back tomorrow." _Bearable. _It actually had been bearable. I am sure the entire school – students, teachers, janitors, lunch ladies – were well versed in my breakdown, subsequent stay at Western State Hospital, and weeks of house arrest. I was now a pariah. And, that suited me just fine. _Why create more wreckage than I need to?_

"Did anyone give you trouble, Bells?"

"No, Dad. Everyone was very… accommodating." _Accommodating by not coming within a foot of me or even looking in my direction. _

Wrapping me in his arms, "Bells, I am so proud of you." I pushed my face into his chest so it wouldn't betray me. He hugged me tighter. _I'm sorry Charlie. _

_I am sorry that I have to leave you._

And, I was.

****

Eight weeks. Fifty-six days. That's how long it took me to convince them I was no longer insane. Slowly, day-by-day, Charlie began to trust me again. With Jane's blessing, he allowed me to have increasing time by myself.

Being alone was nothing short of heavenly. The first time he left me in the house – albeit for ten minutes while he ran to the post office – was the happiest moment I had in six months.

As soon as the cruiser passed over the ridge and out of sight, I dropped to my knees and wrapped my arms around myself for comfort. _You're doing it. Almost there. You can do it. _My mind suddenly flashed to the memory of Emmett doing a horrible impression of Rob Schneider in The Waterboy. "_You can do it! You can do it!" _Em was cheering Rosalie as she schooled Alice and me in a racing video game. Like I ever had a chance to win a videogame against a human, nevertheless two vampires with super speed and reflexes. Not to mention the little pixie who could already predict the outcome of the race. Alice giggled the entire time. _God, I miss her._ As quickly as it appeared, the memory was gone. And once again, I was left alone.

The sob escaped my mouth before I realized I was even crying. _I miss them so much. Don't they miss me? _Even thinking about it began the all-too-familiar stabbing sensation in my chest. Smearing my traitor tears away with my palm, I soothed myself. _You're ok. It's ok. This will be over soon. All over soon._ I smiled genuinely and I could feel my blood pressure tick downwards. _Soon._

Fifty-nine days.

"Wow, Bells. This sure looks good." Charlie sat down at the worn kitchen table. "Thanks for cooking."

"Thanks for letting me." I smiled sweetly at him as he dove, unabashedly, into the plate before him. As usual, I took a few bites when he looked in my direction, but food had no value anymore.

Sixty-two days.

"It was nice to see Jake again, Dad. Thanks for inviting him over."

"You're welcome, Bells. It was nice to see you laughing again." I had laughed, a real laugh. I didn't mean to. It felt like I had betrayed my plan, but then – as I laughed – I realized it felt good. I should be happy. I only had a few more days. I laughed harder.

"Jake is a good buddy." He was. And, I was sorry for it. I didn't mean to create more collateral damage. _Sorry Jake._

Sixty-four days.

"Bella, sweetheart, are you sure you are doing ok?" Renee's voice could never hide her concern, even through the phone. She was always at a constant state of readiness, waiting for the bottom to drop out.

I didn't even have to fake my teenager-god-you-are-so-annoying voice, "Yes, Mom."

"So Charlie told me that you've been spending more time alone. How is that?"

"It's fine, Mom. Dr. Jane knows all about it. It was her suggestion, remember?" Of course she would remember; it was at my last "family" visit with the angel-face demon that I had parroted her to suggest it. In my previous sessions, all I had to do was feign my concern about spending more time alone. Jane was many things, including predictable, and she took the bait – hook, line, and sinker. I had actually started to worry about Jane's other patients since, I mean, if I could do this to her as a teenager, what in the hell could a real psychopath do to her? I shuddered at the thought.

"Mom, I better go. I need to finish my English paper tonight." _Lie._

"Well, ok sweetheart. Call me anytime. Charlie's fishing trip is tomorrow, right? Please call me if you get lonely." _Lonely! _I had to cover my mouth to stifle my laugh. _Lonely? If I get lonely? I have been alone, completely and utterly alone, for more than six months. _

The ridiculousness of her logic and denial of the absolute truth easily allowed my voice to sound chipper, almost normal. "Yep, he and Billy are going on their trip tomorrow. Dad's been talking about it for weeks. I don't know why he put it off for so long." _Lie. _Of course, I knew why. Everyone in the three surrounding zip codes knew why. Because Charles Swan feared that his daughter would leave him. And, he was right.

"Ok, night Bella. I love you. I'll talk to you soon?" The uncertainty in her voice made my eyes start to water. _Hold it together._

I coughed to force the waiting sob down in my throat. "I love you too, Mom. Goodbye." As soon as I touched the red button to disconnect the call, the pain exploded in my chest. _Goodbye, Mommy. I love you so much. I am sorry_. It was the last time I would speak with my mother. I cried myself to sleep that night.

The last night in my room.


	3. Cyanide

Chapter 3: Cyanide

_(Warning: this chapter includes dark themes and actions of self harm.)_

Sixty-five days.

I didn't need my alarm clock. I was the most awake I'd ever been in my entire life.

_Today. _It was finally here.

In reality, I could have taken action earlier. I had opportunities. But, I wanted to stick to my plan and it was unfolding just as I had imagined.

My plan was my control. It was all I had left.

And, if I was completely truthful, I wanted to spend a little more time with them all. A little more time before I left. It was selfish. Really selfish, I knew. To lull them into a sense of security and then rip it away when I left them. Maybe I was trying to inflict the same pain, the same abject abandonment that I felt when Edward left me. _Or, maybe all that psychobabble is actually rubbing off on me. _I rolled my eyes at my own thought.

I could hear Charlie in the bathroom brushing his teeth. He nearly choked as I bounded into the hall towards him. "Morning, Dad!"

With a quick spit into the sink and rinse of his mouth, "Morning, Bells. Wow, you are sure up early. Did I wake you?"

"No, I just couldn't sleep anymore." _Wow, there's some double entendre._

I practically skipped down the stairs, but I stopped myself half way down. First of all, I had never skipped in my life; I didn't want to alarm Charlie. And, secondly, I didn't want to fall; my lack of coordination was legendary and I would never forgive myself for tripping, getting hurt, and ruining my perfect plan. All of my perfect plans, my beautiful lies would not go to waste because I lacked hand-eye coordination.

Once I was safely on flat ground, I turned up the stairs and called to Charlie. "Dad, I'll make you some breakfast."

"That'd be great, thanks Bells." He sounded so happy. Happy because he was going fishing, but also happy because I was doing something so normal – cooking for him. I wanted to leave him content and well fed. _Lord knows when he'll eat a good meal again_. The thought dropped into my stomach like lead. _Oh God. _An image of Charlie's twisted face formed in my mind; I could see the same horror in his eyes. _Don't think about it Bella. Don't you do it. Six months! Stick to your plan._

I unclenched my jaw, painfully, and forced myself to move into the kitchen. _Don't be stupid. Make him the best breakfast you have ever made him. Make it count. Your time is up. _Shaking my head to physically break my own thoughts, I did exactly what I had planned to do: I made Charlie the best breakfast I ever had.

Rubbing his now distended stomach, Charlie smiled sweetly at me. "Bells, that was great. I can't eat another bite or I'll sink Billy's boat!"

I laughed at his joke. It wasn't funny, but I needed to do something. I had been staring at him devouring pancakes and sausage for the last five minutes in absolute silence. I was trying desperately to memorize him – so I could recall every contour of his face, each of the wrinkles that were now – thanks to me I was sure – settled into his forehead and around his eyes. I didn't even want to blink, scared I might miss something I hadn't noticed before. Thankfully, Charlie didn't seem to notice me gaping at him. His voice broke my concentration.

"Well, I better not keep Billy waiting. He's already so grumpy these days." Charlie pushed back from the table and brought his dishes to the sink.

I forced my voice flat. "Jake's really giving him that much trouble, Dad?"

"Boys will be boys. Jake's a good kid, he's just pushing Billy's buttons really well these days." Charlie chortled. Clearly, he was thinking of one of Jake's latest escapades – the kidnapping of a rival team's moose-mascot statue perhaps. They were all innocent pranks. Charlie had to try very hard not to laugh when Jake would appear at the police station, again and again, each time for something more asinine than the last.

Before I realized it, Charlie was swinging his coat over his shoulders. Panic set in. _Not yet! I am not ready to say goodbye yet. _But, I couldn't keep him there. What would I have said? Don't go Charlie because these are our last moments together? That was definitely not part of the plan.

He leaned down to pick his rusty tackle box from the floor, where it had been patiently waiting for him for all of these months. Looking over my shoulder through the glass of the front door, Charlie spoke quickly. "Well, my ride is here Bells. Are you sure you're going to be ok until late tonight? I can cancel; it's no problem at all."

He was always so selfless. My face couldn't help but smile broadly at him. "Don't be silly, Dad. Go have fun. You've been stuck in a house with me for too long!" I hoped my voice sounded sincere, I couldn't tell. The surging emotions were bubbling up and it was taking most of my control to force them back, to keep them hidden deep in my mind.

"Ok, Bells. Well, you have all the numbers. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call, ok?"

"Thanks. I am sure I'll be fine." _And, you'll be ok too. _I prayed.

He was in front of the door now, ready to leave. _No! Not yet._ I didn't care if it was out of character or if it might make him suspicious, I lurched forward and wrapped my arms tightly around him. I needed to hug my father one more time. _I love you so much, Daddy. _

I didn't realize I'd said it out loud.

"Thanks, Bells. I love you so much too. I'll see you soon."

Releasing him for the last time, I nodded and smiled at him. The salty tears broke onto my face as he trotted across the driveway towards the waiting car. As he sat down into the car, he looked at me – smiled and waved. I smiled and waved back. He took my emotion as a positive sign, a signal of closeness, of progress. He didn't see it for what it was - our last goodbye.

After thoroughly cleaning the kitchen, I returned to my room to get ready. I grabbed the black bag that was hidden in the farthest corner of my closet. Zipping it hurriedly before I lost the nerve, I reached inside to find the envelope.

Grasping my final message to Charlie in my hand, I slung the bag across my body and walked to the door. I turned and looked over my room again, wanting to soak in every detail. It was pristine, cleaner than it had ever been. Like the kitchen, I wanted to leave as little mess behind as possible. I knew that was a ridiculous thought – all I would be leaving behind would be a chaotic mess – but cleaning was part of my plan, and my plan was my gospel.

My eyes settled on the window; the window in which Edward appeared so many times. Even thinking his name stopped my breathing. _Relax. You're almost there. _I shook my head quickly to stop seeing his face, his hair, his smile, his crooked grin, his eyes... I smacked my cheek to stop the slide show. That worked.

"Good bye." I said to my empty room. _To my empty life._

Out of habit, I tiptoed into Charlie's room. I moved quickly to the large wooden dresser. Opening the second drawer from the bottom left, I shifted his shirts to find the hidden key. After shoving it in my pocket, I placed the plain white envelope in the drawer and closed it slowly. The next person to see that envelope would be Charlie. And it would break his heart. _I am sorry, Daddy._

As I pulled out of the driveway in Charlie's cruiser, I concentrated on my breathing. As ludicrous as it was in the scheme of things, I was nervous about "borrowing" the cruiser; I'd never driven it and I was afraid I might spazz out and crash, effectively ruining my entire plan. That would be so… me.

Stopped on the street, I allowed myself one final look at the house. _Goodbye._ And, with that, I turned my eyes to the road ahead.

The drive to the Cullen's house was quicker than I thought it would be. Silly, I suppose, since I had usually been driven there at vampire speed. _Or, carried on Edward's back._

I jumped a little as the cruiser's tires crunched loudly against the gravel and dirt driveway. Oddly, the driveway was longer than I had remembered; maybe it was the anticipation building. And, there it was: the magnificent house, pristine and white. It looked exactly the same. Like they could have arrived home at any moment. Like the garage door could open to reveal Rose working on one of the exotic cars. Like Alice could bounce down the stairs and guilt me into another shopping trip. Like Edward could appear, smiling, at the front door and bound across the driveway in a millisecond to greet me with a kiss. But, I knew, none of those things were going to happen. I wasn't crazy after all.

I parked the cruiser on the far side of the house, effectively hiding it from any nonchalant passersby. I pulled the black bag onto my shoulder and marched towards the front door. As I hoped it would be, the hidden key was still in place under the third flowerpot on the front porch. Slowly, I slid the key into the lock and twisted. With a click, the door easily swung open.

Just like the outside of the house, the inside was still pristine. The furniture was still in place, but covered with large sheets. _You can do this._ With one more deep breath, I stepped inside.

Gratefully and to my horror, the air only smelled like staleness, like trapped atmosphere. I couldn't smell Edward. I fought the urge to run upstairs to his bedroom and sink my face into any and every available fabric that might still hold his scent. _The plan, Bella. _ _Right, the plan. My plan._ With newfound resolve, I closed the door behind me, locked it, and walked toward Carlisle's study.

Honestly, I couldn't ever figure how I was able to recall it so clearly in my drug-induced coma at the hospital. But I had remembered, clearly and vividly, right in the middle of one of my sessions with Jane. She had been droning on for a half an hour about the importance of taking responsibility for my actions, when the memory flooded my cloudy mind. That was the day my plan was hatched.

Now, as I stood in Carlisle's study, I could almost see them – Edward, Jasper, and Emmett – as the wrestled each other, playfully, on the expansive carpet, bumping violently into the book shelves lining the walls. I almost jumped, like I did the first time, at the memory of Carlisle's raised voice.

"_Boys! Stop it!" He gracefully dove over the sprawled bodies and caught the ornately carved box falling from the shelf before it could reach the ground. Startled by Carlisle's actions, the boys were now frozen in place on the carpet. We all watched, eyes wide, as Carlisle gently opened the lid to check the security of its contents. With a loud and completely unneeded but completely fatherly sigh, Carlisle returned his attention to his adopted sons. "If this had fallen out and hit one of you, no medicine, no venom could have helped you." _

That was how I learned of the Volturi blade.

I hadn't been very interested at the time; in fact, if I recalled correctly, I was preoccupied with ways to escape from Alice's preplanned agenda for the day so I could spend more time alone with Edward. I chucked to myself. The memory of being with them was so palpable and clear, and yet so removed and distant at the same time. _Like another life._

It was Jasper, ever the soldier, who had pressed Carlisle to recount the tale of the blade again. Carlisle voice echoed in my mind: _It was a gift from the Volturi to me. It is a great honor to receive such a gift, particularly one of this rarity and, especially, from Aro. There are only three in existence and Aro entrusted me with one. They are the sharpest and strongest blades ever forged, they can even tear through vampire skin. _ I had become interested in that moment because I didn't think anything could permeate the indestructible marble that was vampire skin. Carlisle continued, seemingly pleased that his audience had grown. _The blade never dulls. Its sharpness is both a curse and a blessing for those it meets. The blade could have cut you in half, but the slice would be so fine, so precise, you would barely feel it. Your mind would not even register you were wounded, until the moment you died._

Ever the responsible citizen, Carlisle had securely locked his blade back in the impenetrable safe after that day. But, thanks to Edward, I knew the combination. Esme's birthday. Although it was incredibly simple, no would-be thief could have ever guessed the correct year. I knew it had been a gamble that Carlisle would have left his treasured gift behind but, as I had reasoned with myself countless times in the last six months, it was too dangerous for him to travel with unless he had another safe place to hide it. And, since the entire Cullen family disappeared nearly instantaneously from Forks, I hypothesized that he didn't want to risk anyone's safety and left it here. _That, my friends, is the definition of irony._

With the blade safely tucked into my bag, I allowed myself to ascend the stairs to Edward's room. After several moments staring at the door – the door that used to hold my future – I turned the handle.

It took me a moment to recognize my own scream.

_No, no, no! This isn't part of the plan!_ His room, it should have been like all of the others. It should have been silently waiting for its owner to return, like a guardian of the space. But Edward's room was empty, completely bare. It looked as if no one had ever inhabited it. I didn't even try to stop the tears as they blanketed my face.

_Leave now. Leave, it's too much! _I was screeching in my mind. Without another thought, I fled from the vacant room and ran as fast as my uncoordinated feet could carry me out of the house.

Back in the relative safety of the cruiser, I finally allowed my breath to slow. _Cruel. Edward is cruel. _ He told me, after all, that it would be like he never existed. _He stole my chance to be happy one last time. _Furious at him for wounding me yet again, I threw the cruiser in reverse and sped down the driveway without looking back.

Now, I couldn't tell you exactly how I got to the meadow. I was near hysterical as I raced the cruiser towards my final destination, threading dangerously through any traffic I encountered. Finding the hidden road, abandoning the cruiser, and trampling through the forest had blurred together in my mind. But, I was there. Standing in the middle of _our_ meadow.

And, I was ready.

I dropped to my knees and slowly, reverently pulled the deceivingly plain blade from my bag. I had prepared that I would be nervous, maybe even paralyzed. But, to my surprise, I was completely calm. My breathing was even and my heartbeat was only slightly elevated from the physical effort it took to hike here.

A light breeze blew through the tall grasses surrounding me, creating a haunting whispering sound. It was soothing. And all at once, I was completely peaceful.

The utter simplicity, the poetic beauty of my plan had been this: I would rid myself of the thing that kept me apart from my Edward, from being with him forever. My blood.

With a steady hand, I put the edge of the Volturi blade against the far side of my neck. The metal was cold, but I welcomed it against my skin. _It reminds me of his lips against my neck. I love him still._

After one more excruciatingly slow exhale, I closed my eyes and drew the blade across my neck. At once, I could smell my blood – the rusty sweet scent clouded around me – and I could feel it heat my skin and chest as it surged from my neck. I felt no pain. _Thank you, Carlisle, for this final gift._

Eyes closed, I moved the blade to my left forearm and pushed hard. Again, my skin was instantly warm and wet with pulsating blood, but I felt nothing.

Without a conscious thought, I let my body fall sideways onto the forest floor. Nothing hurt. The darkness was enveloping me gently, softly. I could still hear the grasses swaying around me.

I welcomed the darkness; I wanted it to come. I tried to lift my hand up above my body, but I couldn't tell if it had actually moved. Pretending that it did, I willed the glorious blade into my chest. Either through fortuitous timing or good aim, I could no longer feel my body at that instant.

My last sensation was the warm pool forming around me.

In the closing and ever-graceful darkness, I began to see faded, transparent images flickering on the backs of my eyelids; almost like ghosts. There was a low buzzing in my ears and then I heard a voice. My mother. Renee was sitting in the passenger seat of a sun-filled car; she was chattering away, almost mindlessly, to Phil. I couldn't make out the words, but her tone was happy, chipper almost. I smiled internally that she was happy in my imagination. _I love you, Mom. Goodbye._

I'd always heard that your life flashes before your eyes as you die. When James bit me at the Ballet Studio, I could vaguely recall images passing through my mind but the agony of the venom had pushed everything else aside. Now that I was really dying and no one could save me, I felt so… oddly blissful. I wasn't fearful of death. Death is easy… simple… peaceful.

Inexplicably, Jane's wicked face flashed before me - like an unwanted image spliced into a movie reel.

_Charlie._ I wished. And like that, his ghost-like image appeared before me. He was pacing back and forth in the familiar kitchen, ringing his hands at the end of each loop. He looked so worried and tense. _Darn, I really wanted to see him happy one last time._ _I love you, Dad._ As soon as that thought formed, Jake appeared next to my father. He, too, looked anxious. _My two protectors._ Jake threw his arm around Charlie's shoulder, an easy action at his impressive height. He smiled at Charlie; his lips moved, but I couldn't understand the words. Whatever he said, it made Charlie smile, albeit briefly. _Thanks, Jake. Take care of Charlie. _

_The Cullens_. And, as if I had changed the channel on my ghost television, I could see Carlisle and Esme. They were sitting on opposite ends of a long leather couch, their feet intertwined, each reading from a book. They looked so content, so idyllic. I could almost feel myself blush when I realized how they were each sneaking glances at the other before flipping a page. It felt so intimate. _Goodbye Carlisle and Esme, I love you. I would have loved to have been part of your family._

_Rose and Emmett_. They too were in an intimate moment, but not like one I would have ever expected to imagine. They were entangled on a large four-post bed, but there was nothing sexual about their embrace. They were talking very intensely and, every so often, Rose would rub Em's face or arm to comfort him. I had never seen her be so… kind. My deteriorating subconscious wanted me to remember them soft, nearly human. _Strange. _Regardless of the unconvincing hallucination, it would serve its purpose. _ I love you both._

_Alice and Jasper_. Internally, I shuddered at the ghost images that jolted into view. Alice was lying on the floor, her eyes wide open; she was catatonic. Jasper was jumping around her in obvious panic, screaming for Carlisle. The image shook briefly in my mind, like an old television screen as it began to lose its signal. Now, Jasper appeared on the floor next to Alice, holding her, rocking her, begging her to come back to him. The image shook again, became fuzzy and began to fade away.

I mourned its loss; I wanted to say goodbye to them, even if it was only in my subconscious, it still felt like some sort of leave-taking.

Alice's voice shook me from my moribund thought. The ghostly images reappeared with more clarity than any of the previous. Alice was sitting straight up, eyes stretched open to their limits, and she was screaming. Screaming my name. "Bella! No Bella!" _This is not how I wanted to remember my best friend. This isn't fair. _My subconscious was just being cruel to itself. _What is done is done, don't allow regret to seep in now. I am dying. Alice is gone; she happy somewhere. _Other nearly transparent figures appeared around Alice. The image began to shake wildly and, then, as quickly as it had come, it was gone. _I'm getting tired._

There was only one person left. The person who mattered the most. _Please let me stay conscious long enough to say goodbye to him._

My other goodbyes were hard. They were gut wrenching, even if they weren't real, but this one… this one was impossible.

_Edward._ With crystal clarity, his image was before me. If I could have moved, I would have tried to touch him. He looked so real to me it was beyond cruel; it was torture. My sputtering heart increased its spasms in my chest, efficiently pushing out what little blood I had left onto the forest floor around me.

Edward was in a dim and unfamiliar room; he sat on the floor, leaning against the wall, staring blankly into space. He looked so tired, so drained; I wished my dying brain could have come up with a better version of my beautiful Edward. _So beautiful_. My heart lurched again.

_I'm so tired, Edward. _His eyes closed.

_I am so sorry_. _Sorry for it all. _ His eyes snapped open and he shook his head slightly. The motion caused some of his permanently lustrous hair to fall onto his forehead. I could almost feel my fingers twitch in reflex to brush his imaginary hair out of his imaginary eyes.

_I love you so much. _ I could almost hear his voice saying that he loved me too. I wished I had the strength to cry, but the blackness was beckoning me and I had to go.

_Goodbye, Edward. I will love you forever. _As I relaxed into the darkness and released myself from the agony, I could hear his voice calling my name.

And then, I was gone.


	4. Rinascita

Chapter 4_: _Rinascita

_We have made thee neither of heaven nor of earth, neither mortal nor immortal, so that with freedom of choice and with honor, as though the maker and molder to thyself, thou mayest fashion thyself in whatever shape thou shalt prefer. Thou shalt have the power to degenerate into the lower forms of life, which are brutish. Thou shalt have the power, out of thy soul's judgment, to be reborn into the highest forms, which are divine._

Giovanni Pico della Mirandola, _On the Dignity of Man_, 1496.

*Bella POV*

Darkness: complete and enveloping.

Darkness upon the face of the deep.

My remaining thoughts swam effortlessly in the blackness, gently bouncing off the corners of my mind.

Any physical sensation was lost, too distant to even recall.

Memories would surely fade.

Serenity would be granted.

Into the eternal darkness, the eternal silence of infinite space.

Time passed. Hours, days, or seconds: time had lost its boundaries.

A wave of light broke into the unsearchable darkness.

A more brilliant flash.

Another.

Another. Like lightning.

And then, in the distance, approaching thunder.

Voices were murmuring all around me. I didn't recognize them, but hoped they were angels. If there were vampires, why couldn't there be heaven and angels? _Could I even go to heaven after what I've done?_ A clear voice startled me from my thought.

"Even in this weakened form, she is shielding herself from death. Remarkable."

"She is too powerful. She should be dead."

"We cannot allow her to be lost. But, it must be him; it was foretold that he was the one to change her."

"Correct. Which is why I have this." Gasps filled the space around me.

"How did you gather that much venom from him?"

"Edward is very strong."

My mind swirled slightly. _Edward…? _

The gentle currents of my thoughts swelled dramatically to form rapids, rushing forcefully into the chasms.

Consciousness returned instantaneously. _Edward. My Edward! _

_Mine!_ Disparate hallucinations of my dying brain or not, I was instantly protective. I must see them – these angels or demons – and defend him, shield him. I fought my way back towards the most recent lightning strike, towards the dissipating rumbles of thunder.

Closer, I was closer. Almost to the brilliant glow.

An inhuman shriek pierced the breach.

"Calm yourself, my brother. She cannot see you; her body is all but dead, only her consciousness remains. "

_My body?_

Vaguely, I could almost feel my former limbs being shifted from the earth. There was no pain, just a strange awareness of movement. The darkness held still.

An almost inaudible voice growled, "Traditore."

"Demetri, your vengeance will come to pass, but not today. We will contend with the traitors soon enough. Let us focus on the mission at hand."

I felt my flesh being imaginarily shifted again and quickly, but very faintly, I fantasized that I could feel a warm tingling on my lips. My vivid hallucination continued as the warming spread to my shoulders and the temperature seemed to increase by several degrees.

My false nerve endings started to prick.

My body began to feel weighted.

"Isabella, our beloved, return to us now."

Unexpectedly, I was awash in a brilliant, nearly blinding light. It was faint, but it was there: a distinct horizon of shimmering red in the distance.

*Edward POV*

My meditation broke at the sound of metal grinding on stone: the bronze door, heavy on its hinges, scraped against the floor.

A rectangular beam of light shone brightly through the doorway. The lithe figure stepped into view, appearing as a black void against the light.

"_Are you ready, my child?"_

"Yes." My voice no longer held any emotion. Slowly, I rose from my near-constant perch – the small wooden bench nestled, with force and continued use, nearly flush to the corner of my room.

In four quick strides, I had entered the hall to join him. Without looking to his face, I plucked his next thought. "_In the map room."_ I nodded and turned left towards our destination.

"_This one claims to know your maker."_ My eyes squinted in anger, a reflex at that word.

"_Forgive me; I should have referred to Carlisle as your father. This one claims to know him."_

"How so?" 

"_He asserts they are old friends from many years ago, around the time Carlisle was our guest here."_

The sunlight, pouring through the leaden windows lining the hallway, brightly infused the space. On the rich velvet lining the opposite wall, the fleeting reflections from our skin danced like frenetic fireflies as we silently passed. At the walkway's juncture to the main hall, the light had been ingeniously diffused with glittering fabric, effectively disguising our skin's secret.

"_Edward?" _I looked to his unnaturally young face sheathed in near-transparent skin. "_Thank you for serving with us."_

I needed no praise. As long as the contract remained valid, I would fulfill my obligation.

Partly out of reverence for my elder, but mostly to commence with the chore before me, I responded: "Caius, no thanks are needed. It is, simply, my duty."

"_And yet, we remain most grateful for your assistance."_

I nodded and pushed against the door of the map room. As I breached the threshold, a new voice shrieked in my mind, _"Edward Cullen!" _ I spun to find its source. There, over my left shoulder, a figure stood stiffly in the corner. His mind raced, _"If he is here, I wonder if Carlisle is here as well. I thought he had sworn to live apart from the Volturi. What are they doing here now? "_

"No, Carlisle is not here." I responded blandly.

His face gaped, while his disloyal mind filled with the thoughts his voice refused. _"It is true then! Carlisle said his children were very gifted. Why is Edward here? Where is Esme? Why would they allow the Volturi to use their son like this?"_

I stepped towards the confused figure and extended my hand. Carefully smoothing my voice, "Hello, I'm Edward Cullen. But, you knew that."

The vampire before me did not move nor speak nor think. Stunned, I supposed. I forced the right corner of my mouth up and released a crooked grin. "And, you are?"

Jolted out of his stupor, he took my hand. "Alistar. My name is Alistar. I am an old friend of your father's." He smiled insincerely, but tried to reassure me with his thoughts. _"I am your friend as well, Edward. I am no foe of yours."_

It was not like our kind to appear nervous, but Alistar began to display all of the telltale signs: he shifted on his feet unnecessarily, his eyes darted away from mine, and his mind began to jump erratically.

His thoughts washed through so quickly they were almost unintelligible. _"He's in my mind. No, Carlisle would have told him. He must know. Perhaps not. He looks upset. How could Esme let this happen? Control your mind. The Greek isles in summer. Why didn't Carlisle tell me he was here with them? Empty beaches, swimming in the warm water. Does he know? I swore to Carlisle. In my mind! Greek isles. Beaches. Warm sand. Bermuda, Bahamas, come on pretty-"_

I couldn't stifle my laugh. "Beach Boys, really?"

Startled, his pathetic attempts to control his thoughts all but ceased, "_I don't know if Carlisle told you. If you are here, I wonder if I can trust you. It's too important. Carlisle made me swear an oath."_

Carlisle's friend or not, I was tiring of his game; I simply wanted to pull out the needed information, give my report, and return to my room. "Carlisle knows I'm here. He would tell you to trust me."

"_Can I? You could be part of the Guard now. Track and protect her, at all costs. I would not betray Carlisle. I wish Makenna was here."_

Progress. "Why are you tracking Makenna for Carlisle?"

"I am not tracking Makenna." His voice shifted to his mind, _"But she would know if you are lying." _

His eyes darted past my face, just as mumbling voices began on the other side of the door. His eyes shot back to mine, boring intensely. _"Carlisle will never forgive you if you betray me. Do you understand that?" _I nodded quickly sensing his urgency as the voices outside became louder.

"_Carlisle beseeched me to track her, which was futile since she has been in only three locations in many months. A waste of my tracking abilities frankly." _I narrowed my eyes, urging him to focus.

"_Oh. Tracking has been simple. But, I discovered that I have not been the only one tracking her. She is in imminent danger. Carlisle said her safety is of the utmost importance. I had no time to communicate with him when I was summoned here. You need to relay my message to him post haste!"_

I leaned towards him and lowered my voice so only he would be able to hear, "And, what message would you have me relay?"

"_She is being tracked by at least one other, maybe more. Although she is an easy mark, these other trackers are very skilled, likely very old vampires; I came close to tracking one when I was abruptly summoned here."_

The familiar sound of metal scraping against stone alerted us both that we would soon have company. His final thoughts came in a flood. _"Edward, please. Get a message to Carlisle now. She is a very fragile human. He needs to get someone else in Forks to protect her immediately."_

My mind froze along with my body. There could be no other explanation, no other fragile in human in Forks.

In my dim room, I sat on the stone floor, leaning against the wall. It had taken several tense hours, and half of the Guard restraining me, for Aro to convince me to stay.

As soon as Aro and Renata had entered the map room, Alistar's thoughts became dark and vicious. Only when Aro spoke did Alistar's mental tirade pause, that was – until Aro spoke of her:

"Alistar, I know you were watching over the human as a favor for Carlisle. Forgive us for our impolite and urgent request for your presence. It was a necessity."

My eyes shot to Aro's face; he had known about this and left me uninformed. _That must breach our contract. _I fought the urge to attack. _Dying by the hands of the Guard would not protect her._

Anticipating my reaction, Aro's thoughts poured quickly and calmly to me. _"Edward, relax, my child. We knew of Carlisle's redundant plans to protect your human. We had to extract him because he was very close to exposing our own Volturi protector. We are fulfilling our contract. We are watching over her, protecting her."_

"Why was I not informed?" My voice came out close to a shout.

"_Edward, there was no need to upset you. As per our agreement, you asked that we only inform you of certain events in your human's life. This side-plan of Carlisle's did not compel us to change the terms, particularly when the events have had little to no bearing on her life. She is safe. We will continue to watch over her – as we have sworn to do." _

I allowed myself a deep, and unnecessary, breath.

"If there has been little to no bearing, then why was I needed to interrogate him?" I gestured to Alistar as he fumed in the corner, surrounded by six of the largest Guards. Alistar's mind was a hodgepodge of threats, profanity, and loud accusations.

"_We wanted you to ensure that Alistair was not hiding anything from us." _That was laughable; Aro could have easily pulled all memories from Alistar's mind. I raised my eyebrows accusingly; it was unlike Aro to use such flimsy logic.

"_And… we felt that you might now be convinced to contact Carlisle. He is most desperate to hear from you, even if it is to bear your wrath."_

He answered before the end of the first ring. "Edward!"

I was unable to force my breath out to make a sound.

"Son? Are you there?" Carlisle's voice had turned, from his initial exuberance, to agitated concern.

Over expanding my lungs, I paused for one more beat. "Yes, Carlisle."

"It is wonderful to hear from you. Are you ready to come home?"

I would not even acknowledge the question. My anger began to inch to the forefront. "I met an acquaintance of yours today."

"An acquaintance of mine?"

Straining to keep my voice even, I gave him the name – the seven letters of his disloyalty. "Alistar."

Carlisle's voice swamped the line in a rapid clip. "Edward, you must let me explain. We were-"

My rage jumped to the back of my throat. "No explanation. You promised that you would not interfere with my wishes, but you did just that."

"You do not have all of the information-"

"You betrayed me, Carlisle. That's all the information I need." _My resentment easily shrouded the guilt of my words._

"Edward." He snapped. "Do not speak to me with such disrespect. I am your father."

Like a knee jerk, I shot right back without thinking. "No Carlisle, you are my maker."

I clicked the phone shut – not wanting to cause further injury – and threw it. In mid-air, about three-quarters of its arch to the wall, it began to ring. The unforgiving stone effectively silenced it; the pieces fell, haphazardly, to the floor.

The cool stone cradled my back; the dark – and now silent – room felt more lonely, like a drifting iceberg with no land in sight.

Bella's face, creamy and soft like a Botticelli, formed in my mind's eye._ So beautiful_.

I imagined her voice, which sang to my depths more than the scent of her blood. "_I'm so tired, Edward." _I shut my eyes, willing myself to repeat her clear, yet distant, phantom voice in my head.

"_I am so sorry_. _Sorry for it all." _Snapping my eyes back to the dim emptiness before me, I shook my head at my obvious projection: hearing my thoughts in her voice.

"_I love you so much." _ Despite the absurdity of my delusion, I could not prevent answering my own mind. _I love you, Bella. _

Satisfied that my mind had settled, I began to think of Aro's promises. His words and thoughts never diverged; if there were lies, they were deep and well disguised.

Then, quietly, in the furthest corner of my mind, her ghost voice whispered to me one last time. "_Goodbye, Edward. I will love you forever." _It was no more than a breath.

I couldn't stop myself from seeking her out. _Bella? Bella! _I implored my broken mind to recreate the apparition. I needed it. Yearned for it.

But my mind was silent; she was gone.

What must have been several hours of solitude was broken by the sounds of approaching footsteps. _Our kind never makes such inelegant approaches_. My body instantly readied for an attack. _Who is here? How could someone have gotten past the Guard?_

My face was flooded in light as the door slammed open. Aro appeared before me. He was – there was no other word for it – frantic. My mind raced. _Aro is never alarmed, barely every agitated. What is happening?_

Aro spoke. In fact, he yelled. The tone of his voice was almost as frightening as his words. I was accustomed to Aro's calm, evenly cadenced thoughts; on the rare occasions when he spoke out loud, it was barely above a whisper. "We have been betrayed!"

My mind caught.

Aro – clearly restless, which only fueled my alarm – could not wait for my response. "One of the Guard has betrayed us."

"Us?" _Despite my servitude, I would never be one of them._

Exasperated now: "The Guard was assigned to your human."

I cannot fathom how I made it through the group of Guards encircling Aro, but in the next instant, my hands were wrapped around Aro's treacherous neck.


End file.
